There’s another dynamic that’s really tricky to address, and that’s just the power difference, both physical and cultural. A woman flashing a man (and the other behaviors you listed) is inappropriate, probably a little gross, possibly unwelcome, and likely uncomfortable. You unquestionably deserve an apology for that behavior.

But I think most men, if asked the question, Did this action make you feel unsafe? would honestly admit that it doesn’t. Again, not every man — and if a man has felt unsafe, that should be heard and respected — but for most men, there is not an additional fear for their very lives that accompanies the discomfort of inappropriate or unwelcome behaviors from women.

Part of what’s wrapped up in “unwelcome” behavior from men, even when it’s not assault or rape, even when it’s “unintentional,” is that men have the ability to negatively affect our safety — not just our perception of our safety, but our actual physical safety, just by being next to us. That is a difficult reality. And we never know how they’re going to react to us if we ask them to stop, or are honest with them, or report their bad behavior. They could be like, Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I had no idea. Or they could just kill us.

Learning how to apologize well and sincerely is such a huge thing, because it also on some deep level assures us that these men are willing to do the work to stop being primal threats to women’s bodies, livelihoods, and futures. It’s extremely hard to convey if one hasn’t had that daily experience.